05 May 2008

Absentia Belli

You have probably noticed my somewhat protracted absence. Sadly, pressing real world concerns--such as finding a job and a place to live following my impending graduation from the University of Puget Sound--have occupied what little free time my end-of-semester workload currently affords me. The search for employment and housing has not been particularly fruitful, but something is bound to come up--here is one of the few situations in my life wherein I have been optimistic, if only because the grim reality is that I really can't afford not to be.

For someone like me, who has never been particularly good at networking, the process of writing cover letters and contacting potential employers is daunting, and in many ways downright intimidating. For many years now I've worried interminably about the way in which those around me perceive me. As the old adage goes, it is wise to make a good first impression, since you only have one chance to make one. The biggest cause of my apprehension and hesitance in my job search has been my worry about making a good impression and presenting myself in the best way possible.

I have also been struggling against my entrenched psychology. I am nothing if not a creature of habit; like paranoid schizophrenics, I like my routine. In this situation where there is no routine, I find myself rather stressed, perhaps more than I ought to be. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I don't always react to stress in a healthy manner. Owing to my disproportionate social anxiety, it's been hard for me to even begin writing the necessary letters, as I know that they will pass before the scrutinizing eyes of potential employers. To put it another way, I am mortified of being judged--especially without the comfortable anonymity which the internet affords me!--and I now find myself in a position where I am subject to the judgment of persons who have no knowledge of beyond my resume, which is not particularly impressive (not that anyone's resume is superb right out of college, save the ubiquitous overachievers, but I have never found much solace in the knowledge that my experiences are shared).

In any event, the search continues. I still believe that things will work out in the end, but getting to that end will be an uphill battle. I humbly beg--euchomai, o andres kai gunaikes Athenaoi!--that you will forgive my absence. I assure you that it is not permanent!

No comments:

Post a Comment