"That's the Kind of a Baby for Me"

She's got a dainty style
A little baby smile
The kind that makes you want to stick around a while
She's got those dreamy eyes
And every time she sighs
You'll forget your family
The other evening in a cabaret we spent
And when I saw the check, I thought it was the rent
But when the waiter came
She simply signed her name
That's the kind of a baby for me!

[Image sauce]

The BCS Top 20

This, you will find, is slightly different from the regular BCS poll. There's a meme going around the Classic Film regions of the blogosphere wherein bloggers list their twenty favorite actresses. My BCS ballot will no doubt share a lot of names with the ballots of other bloggers, but I should hope that there will be a few lesser-knowns showing up. I also threw in a few extra tidbits of information (just to make things interesting).

1. Joan Crawford
Favorite Metal band: Iron Maiden
Drink of choice: Double vodka and Cherry Coke
Deepest, darkest secret: Actually doesn't mind wire hangers all that much.

2. Dorothy Sebastian
Favorite Metal band: Judas Priest
Drink of Choice: Jaeger Bombs. Lots of them.
Deepest, darkest secret: Likes to burn things (because the leprechaun tells her to).

3. Bebe Daniels
Favorite Metal band: Black Sabbath
Drink of Choice: Thunderbird
Deepest, darkest secret: Funneled profits from 42nd Street to the IRA.

4. Norma Shearer
Favorite Metal band: Burzum
Drink of choice: Appletini
Deepest, darkest secret: Has been using the same toothbrush for a year and a half.

5. Louise Brooks
Favorite Metal band: Gorgoroth
Drink of choice: Crunk Juice
Deepest, darkest secret: Likes to kick puppies. And kittens.

6. Anita Page
Favorite Metal band: Slayer
Drink of choice: Irish car bomb
Deepest, darkest secret: Is a level 60 Paladin in World of Warcraft.

7. Myrna Loy
Favorite Metal band: Manowar
Drink of choice: Whiskey Boilermaker
Deepest, darkest secret: Accidentally shot herself in the leg in a New York nightclub. She didn't have a permit for her gun, either.

8. Marion Davies
Favorite Metal band: Sleep
Drink of choice: Steel Reserve 211
Deepest, darkest secret: Once tried to hotbox the basement of San Simeon.

9. Constance Bennett
Favorite Metal band: Metallica
Drink of choice: Jack Daniel's
Deepest, darkest secret: Likes to tell orphans that Santa Claus was going to bring them presents but crashed and died on the way.

10. Barbara Stanwyck
Favorite Metal band: Iced Earth
Drink of choice: Southern Comfort
Deepest, darkest secret: Killed JFK and framed Lee Harvey Oswald.

11. Bessie Love
Favorite Metal band: Deicide
Drink of choice: Goldschlager
Deepest, darkest secret: Fixed the 1919 World Series.

12. Fay Wray
Favorite Metal band: Darkthrone
Drink of choice: Monarch Rum
Deepest, darkest secret: Regularly posts on 4chan.

13. Billie Dove
Favorite Metal band: Napalm Death
Drink of choice: Bloody Mary
Deepest, darkest secret: Doesn't rewind her videos when she takes them back to store.

14. Kay Francis
Favorite Metal band: Cannibal Corpse
Drink of choice: Night Train
Deepest, darkest secret: Owns every one of the Saw films on DVD.

15. Joan Blondell
Favorite Metal band: Mayhem
Drink of choice: White Russian
Deepest, darkest secret: Remember Chernobyl? Yeah, that was her.

16. Irene Dunne
Favorite Metal band: Dragonforce
Drink of choice: Peppermint Schnapps
Deepest, darkest secret: Is plotting to kidnap Bear Grylls and keep him in a pit in her basement. "It puts the lotion on its skin..."

17. Jean Arthur
Favorite Metal band: Belphegor
Drink of choice: Stroh, Stroh, and more Stroh
Deepest, darkest secret: Performs in an underground Hip-hop act under the pseudonym "J-Money".

18. Evelyn Brent
Favorite Metal band: Sunn O)))
Drink of choice: Cognac brandy and Robitussin
Deepest, darkest secret: Thinks Terrell Owens is actually an okay guy.

19. Pauline Starke
Favorite Metal band: Pig Destroyer
Drink of choice: The Bloody Aztec
Deepest, darkest secret: Killed Thelma Todd. While dressed as the Easter Bunny.

20. Olive Borden
Favorite Metal band: Candlemass
Drink of choice: The Black Cossack
Deepest, darkest secret: Buys entire boxes of Lucky Charms but only eats the marshmallows (the regular cereal she just throws at random strangers whilst screaming "Where is your God now!?").

This took forever to do. The pictures are from all over creation, but if it's any consolation to you, I used my own space for them.

Happy Brooksday

For all of you who know (and those of you who don't), today is (or at least would have been) the 102nd birthday of the legendary Louise Brooks, whose haircut is said to have launched a thousand ships. Let's all pour one out for our dead homie. Happy birthday, Lulu; here's a birthday song for you.

Relevant to my Interests, Ep. 14

For no real reason, here's a picture of Louise Brooks. Although it's not as if one needs a reason, is it?

Relevant to my Interests, Ep. 13

Look at that mirror! And look at the headboard on that bed! Oh, and Joan Blondell is fairly appealing, as well.

[Sauce]

And while I'm on the Subject...

Party Like it's 1922

I can't think of a better way to spend a Friday night in 1922 than at the Follies (followed, perhaps, by a sojourn to the Midnight Frolic).

98 Years of Anita Page

Happy birthday to Anita Page, who is 98 years old today. To celebrate, here's a photograph from back in the day of Miss Page and a small, fuzzy marsupial companion. This is one of the most mind-numbingly cute pictures I have ever seen. Originally found here, where an artificially colorized version may also be found.

Relevant to my Interests, Ep. 12

Myrna Loy was one of the most successful stars of the 1930s, being crowned the Queen of Hollywood in 1938 (opposite Clark Gable, who received the miter and scepter of the King of Hollywood). Her amicable on-screen persona (which earned her honors as the "perfect wife") was matched by the all-around awesomeness of her actual self--she made only one movie during World War II, as she was working full-time for the Red Cross (she had previously been blacklisted by Adolf Hitler for denouncing him). She was also a proponent of the civil rights movements of the 1960s, and opposed the anti-Communist witch hunt of McCarthy and the House Unamerican Activities Committee in the 1950s.

Also, she was hot. Let's not forget that ever-so-important detail, shall we?

Relevant to my Interests, Ep. 11

Bebe Daniels was one of the biggest names in Hollywood during the 1920s, and if the accounts are to be believed, one of the most dedicated actresses in the business. I found one of my favorite anecdotes about Bebe on the Silent Movie Blog, the details of which are as follows:

She's a hardy perennial. I can recall but one picture in which Bebe was not ill or injured. Her most serious accidents occurred when, on location, the protruding branch of a big tree swept her from a truck, and during the sword play of Senorita, when she was accidentally stabbed in the corner of one eye. Her bravery is no publicity myth around our first-aid hospital. Regardless of suffering, she is always ready with a joke.

Bebe now has a website dedicated to her, which claims to be "bringing Bebe back." Because those other girls don't know how to act! A noble cause, to be sure; I'm always in favor of a little idolatry, myself.

Credit given where credit it due: the above photo comes to you through the courtesy of flickr user Catchpenny.

Relevant to my Interests, Ep. 10

Dorothy Sebastian, Joan Crawford and Anita Page show off the goods in a promotional shot from 1928's Our Dancing Daughters. I need to see this film before I die. Not necessarily because it is a masterpiece of cinema, mind you, but because I am a terrible fanboy. If I have to buy a VCR just so I can watch it on VHS, then so be it. It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make, dammit.

At this juncture I am so very tempted to analyze the significance of Joan's character being named Diana, after the Roman goddess of the hunt (who was also a virgin, by the way). I am equally tempted to engage in an unnecessary exegesis of Dorothy's playing a character named Beatrice (the name of the woman with whom Dante Alighieri, the greatest poet in all of western literature, was smitten throughout his life). Despite those temptations, I will refrain. I needn't give the reader any further evidence that I am truly crazy.

Relevant to my Interests, Ep. 9

Billie Dove was one of the more popular actresses of the silent era, as well one of the lucky few who managed the transition to the talkies relatively unscathed. She is also far more interesting than the essay I'm supposed to be writing right now.

Despite her popularity, Billie decided she'd had enough of show business in 1932 and retired at the age of 29 to spend time with her family. A peculiar decision, to be sure, but as Tiki Barber will tell you, it's better to go out at the top of your game rather than to stick around well past your prime. After all, if you don't know when to call it a career you might end up signing with the Arizona Cardinals. Or starring in Trog. And we all know what that leads to.

Anita Page and the Ideal Screen Type

Was Anita Page the perfect movie star? Benito Mussolini certainly thought so. We all know by now where my loyalties lie, but this graph nevertheless makes a compelling argument. Not that I need any convincing that Miss Page was quite the looker in her day, mind you. On the other hand, it does remind me of some strange sort of eugenics. While we're on the subject of genes, Anita must have good ones, as she is still alive today at the ripe old age of 97.

In any event, it's rather a good thing that Anita never took up Mussolini on his offer of marriage. Just look at what happened to Clara Petacci.

Just so credit is given where credit is due, the above image was originally found here. I cropped it a bit, that I might save some space.

Relevant to my Interests, Ep. 8

Norma Shearer was America's lazy-eyed sweetheart; the de facto imperatrix of Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer during the 1930s. It helped that she was married to producer Irving Thalberg, a fact her studio rivals--chief among them Joan Crawford--were wont to dwell on. Of course, Norma was a perfectly good actress in her own right, and wielded great influence in Hollywood until her impromptu retirement in 1942.

Relevant to my Interests, Ep. 7

Dorothy Sebastian is a silent star who doesn't get nearly as much love as she deserves, neither here nor most other places (she does, however, get a respectable amount of love at her de facto official website, whence the above photograph originates. Nameless webmistress, you are truly too awesome for words!)

The more I think about it, the more Ms. Sebastian becomes my favorite of the stars of yesteryear. She may not have the ethereal beauty of a Joan Crawford or a Greta Garbo, but she has--or should that be had?--an allure all her own, one much more personable and more approachable than the others. From what I've read, she had a personality to match, being free of the eccentricities of which many actresses of the day seemed so fond. It's a shame her career didn't take off the way it should have.

By way of a non sequitor denouement, I love that hat she's wearing.

Relevant to my Interests, Ep. 6

I can't believe I haven't written one of these about Louise Brooks yet. She's right there in the subtitle, for God's sake. Few silent stars enjoy as wide a cult following among modern fans as does Lulu (as she is affectionately known by her devotees), and not without good reason. Much like Greta Garbo, Louise Brooks took special care to cultivate an image of unattainability, and it is no doubt this aura which makes her so appealing to her legions of followers.

Kay Francis

Today marks the 103rd anniversary of the birth of Kay Francis. Perhaps contrary to her wishes, she has not yet been forgotten. Shine on, you cwazy diamond.

Marion Davies

Last Thursday (that is, 6 January) was the birthday of Marion Davies--her 111th, to be precise--and somehow, I managed to go without mentioning it until now. For shame, I know, but do give me some clemency; I'm relatively new to the art of obsessing over dead people.

The kind folks over at TCM marked the occasion by airing several of Marion's films, both silent and sonorous. I was able to catch The Red Mill (1927) and Show People (1928), both comedies and both silent. The Red Mill was a good blend of slapstick and situation comedy, which featured more Dutch stereotypes than one could shake a stick at--wooden shoes, cheese barges, windmills and blond pigtails, to name a few. Plot-wise, the film was rather reminiscent of Graeco-Roman New Comedy--Marion plays the role of Tina, the smart and good-natured working girl who, in the manner of Plautus's Pseudolus, manages to outwit Willem (her tyrannical overlord) and to unite the star-crossed lovers Jacop and Gretchen.

Show People was even more entertaining, not in the least because it was apparently based on the career of Gloria Swanson, a contemporary and fellow silent-film hottie of Ms. Davies. Marion plays the role of Peggy Pepper, an aspiring actress who comes to Hollywood seeking to make her fortune as a serious actress, but who is only able to find work in lowbrow comedies. There are several memorable scenes in the film--one of the best is a brief but fantastic bit of meta-theater wherein Peggy Pepper come across an actress she does not recognise--named "Marion Davies"--and eyes her with an expression of mild revulsion. There are also many instances of pure slapstick--Marion is sprayed in the face with a seltzer bottle no less than three times (instances which are, without a doubt, fraught with dreadfully Freudian undertones!)

In addition to being a great comedienne, Marion Davies was also a serious cutie-pie. Little wonder William Randolph Hearst fell for her the way he did.

Relevant to my Interests, Ep. 5 (2-for-1 Special!)

Egads, have I really gone an entire month without posting about Joan Crawford? For Shame! As penance for this egregious blasphemy, here are two pictures. First an early picture, but one of my absolute favorites.

And here's a second which, judging by the caption, dates from around 1929-30.

Relevant to my Interests, Ep. 4

An adorable Bessie Love, sporting a modified version of the iconic Louise Brooks cut. As an aside, I suddenly feel like a pedophile.