The Booze Report, Ep. 1

Night Train Express

In my erstwhile attempts at humor, I have made reference to a infamous concoction known as Night Train. It's been something of a running joke for me. It was not until last night, however, that I actually managed to get my hands on a bottle of it.

The proper name of the low-end fortified wine is Night Train Express. It weighs in at 17.5% alcohol by volume (sci. 35 proof). Thus, in the standard-issue 750ml bottle, you get 131.25ml of pure, sweet alcohol. Well, maybe not pure, but definitely sweet. Though the label claims that the liquor is a copyright of "Night Train Limited", Night Train Express is actually a product of the E & J Gallo Winery (though they'd probably prefer that you forget about that little factoid). Night Train was also the subject of a popular song by Guns 'n' Roses, which had the effect of increasing the sales of the wine by a considerable margin.

But does Night Train live up to the hype? Indubitably. Aside from being quite potent, Night Train is also quite drinkable. I wouldn't go so far as to say it tastes good, mind you--the overall sensation is that of alcoholic Kool-Aid, although Night Train is naturally of a bit thicker consistency. Add to that combination the fact that it's light on the wallet--the bottle cost a mere four dollars--and Night Train is a recipe for success (actually, its more a recipe for drunken stupor, but you get the idea).

Of course, Night Train is not without its drawbacks. Though it goes down easy, those with weak stomachs might find that the potent potable does not sit all that well, and it definitely has the potential for some fairly intense hangovers. Night Train has also been cited for its narcotic properties, and not without reason--I did feel a bit more tired than I usually do after a vigorous bout of drinking.

Will it be a repeat purchase? That depends on whether or not I am able to find a job and a girlfriend (so the odds are it probably will be). My experience with Night Train was actually quite positive. No queasiness, no hangover, and only mild drowsiness. Of course, I should probably mention the fact that I only had half of a bottle--this guy took care of the other half. We also each had a 40oz of Olde English 800 before we got aboard the Night Train, but that will have to wait until the next episode of the Booze Report.